Ashes Down Under - Night 1

So here we are again as the Ashes start Down Under. This time though, I am not there, I am here in the UK. So that's all rather odd. Thoughts so far:

Am happy as larry that Matty P is behind the stumps.
Love the booing of Broady for his first over
The Aussie team aren't very pretty
I think going nocturnal is going to be the only way forward
The Aussie camerawork seems to be a little dodgy ... 

Life is like a cricket match

Forrest Gump said life was like a box of chocolates, you never know what you are going to get - I don't agree. I think life is like a cricket match - it is sometimes full of bang, crash, wallop but it is the long game that is worth playing.

Thinking back over the last year, I cannot really complain about any form of the game. Think England winning back the Ashes at the Oval, think Graham Onions and Graeme Swann holding on at the end of the Cape Town test or that great win in Durban, think Sussex winning the T20 tournament, oh and think of my getting married. (surely the longest long game of them all).

Mr GoodGirlsGuide or CMB is rather into cricket himself - one might say that he is literally the equivalent of a Cricketing Mars Bar - cricket is everything, work, rest and play.

So there we go, cricket now forms even more of my everyday and every day I see more and more associations between real life and cricket life. And it is these asides and these links that I will be writing about, come rain, an innings win and even when bad light stops play.

NOT SO SUGAR DADDY

So girls, apparently the rich old guy that likes to flash his cash (Allen Stanford) couldn't actually be trusted. Is it that something new? Are we actually surprised?

Any women would have taken a look at Sir Al (as TGGtC did) and would have known what a nightmare he was. Yes he could wow, yes he could provide you with the answer to so many quesitons and yes he apparently could buy anything you might want, but ultimately he was an old guy with bad hair and so a tearful ending was all that could be expected.

We have all been there, listening to things he thinks you want to hear, showing you off to his friends, when actually all he does is make you feel slightly grubby...

Sadly this is probably how the English Cricket Board (ECB) feels now, but we cannot blame them for their mistake - it's a novice mistake, a teenage mistake if you like and can we blame them for it? At the Good Girls, the answer has to be a resounding no. We all make mistakes.

The only question is why oh why, didn't these wise old business owls at the ECB ask our opinion?

The power of the beard ...

Does Chris Gayle's make him the coolest man in cricket? Has Kevin Pietersen been trying to look older? Will Colly ever grow one or is the gingeritus the issue?

What am I talking about now? Beards of course and the power of the beard. With my hat tipped firmly to the great and much missed TMS statistician, Bill Frindall, I want to celebrate that much maligned cricketing facial accessory the extended moustache, the beard.

Think back in time and try and remember the great and the good cricketing beards - it is tough. Moustaches are easy just think of the England and Kiwi cricket teams in the eighties and you are nearly at a full Test XI, let alone the one and only David Boon. But beards, well that is quite another thing entirely. It is almost as bad as thinking up a ginger XI and no, I am not entirely obsessed by ginger cricketers...

Anyway, so far I have KP, Mike Gatting, Chris Gayle, not Merv Hughes (even though it was such a cracking moustache it almost covered his whole chin), W.G. Grace of course, Monty Panaesar, Hashim Amla (who apparently does sport a beard and doesn't just have his head on upside down) but who else?? I know there are more and whilst I try and think of them, I also have am trying to work out why ...

What makes a man grow a beard? Are they hiding? Are they storing food away in a similar way to the great Mr Twit, or are they just lazy and fancy a change? I am going to spend the cricketing winter and summer trying to work this out, amongst all of the other 'why are boys so odd?' questions that cricket generates and will come back in due course....

SMILE?

So England have been stuffed in the Second Test - this may seem a little harsh, but ultimately true, there are certainly no bitten nails to be found.

Inevitably there will be the usual forore in the media about why this has happened, was MV tinkering too much? What has happened to our batting? Is it the fault of our inexperienced bowling attack etc. They all probably play a part - but I think it is this trying to be 11 angry mean men that is actually the problem.

A snarl, a glare, a pout, malicious words (not to mention jelly beans) just really shouldn't be our style. Or shouldn't be. BFG Tremlett trying to cause shockwaves with his aggression just doesn't wash as far as I can see, nor little old Cook (surely too young and sweet to be callous). So lets forget that tactic, it reminds me too much of London (the city where I live and love) but that at times is full of people who snarl, scowl and pout at you for being in the way - particularly on the tube. I am sure I am one of them too, but that doesn't make it right.

What everyone (England cricket team / people on the tube / me) is forgetting is that you can get much further with a smile. It is my mother (yes, she exists and is too a cricket fan) who taught me that you can actually get a long way, and away with a great deal with a cheesy cat grin*.

So this is my top tip for the Oval to England - stop these angry idiotic shenanigans and get back into The Supernaturals (now they were a cool band) way of thinking and just plain SMILE...

*Am sure there must be some survey or other proving that people are more inclined to help other who smile

Maybe Bernard isn't so bad after all...

Ever since I was 18 years old, I have had the nickname Bernard. This is due largely to that awful comedian Bernard Manning and then also a character that Matt Lucas used to do in stand-up, Sir Bernard Chumley (I was Sir Bernard Clumsy)...

I have to admit that over time I have liked, loved and loathed that nickname. Now I just kind of stuck with it. My question is, I wonder if Belly or Colly feel the same?

KP is a cool nickname, as is Freddie. Vaughnie is kind of understandable and Tresco even kind of dull... but come on, Belly? That must be painful, he must hate it surely? I imagine that Ian Bell at times wants to stand up, or maybe stand on a chair (as I believe he is quite short) and shout out, loud, clear and in frustration for his team mates to stop it. I know for sure that I would, it makes me realise that maybe Bernard isn't so bad after all....

Rain, rain, will it go away?

Feeling awkward? Have nothing to say but in a social situation, what do you do? Cough slightly? pull up your socks? start looking at your phone? Or start talking about the weather?

Well today the weather is of course the major talking point and rightly so. What is going to happen? How much rain can there possibly be? A question that myself, not being Michael Fish (who was as you know a weatherman), doesn’t have an answer to. All I do know is that cricket has been affected. Now don’t get me wrong I know that the suffering of people is much more important, but a little irreverence should not be considered offensive (she says, toes crossed).

We’ve had to accept a draw in the cricket, poor old KP and his fabulous century and the success of our ‘inexperienced’ bowling attack. A bowling attack that rightfully has been lauded for their performance. Never being a Jimmy Anderson fan I was pleased to see him do well and of course the new ‘giant’ of English international bowling, Tremlett.

Fingers crossed we won’t still be talking about the weather at Trent Bridge, awkward social situation or not…